It's only been a year, but seems forever...

I literally think about you EVERYDAY.

You've only been gone for a year, so why does it feel so much longer???

Could it be...

Each day that I pull into my drive way and I see the "beautiful" black mark on the stucco that you made as you backed your car into our garage? I don't know if I will ever bring myself to remove it...

Maybe it's those moments that I can still hear you laughing. How I would love to hear it in person... Is it when there is one last teaspoon left at the bottom of a ketchup container and I try every humanly way of getting it out. Or is it when I see a partial glass of water that I can't seem to "waste"in the sink... so I drink it! Whether it be plastic, liquid or organic... I CANNOT waste. Ugh! I'm cursed! :)

Is it the primary children that I see each Sunday, with their cute beautiful faces. I think of how I onced served with you in primary and am reminded of the way you served so well in your call or how animated you became as you taught the children? No doubt the best nursery leader ever is still greatly missed...

Is it because I am a Grandmother now and so wanted to share this experience with... you. What a perfect example of a Grandma you are to me... Maybe its because of the Lake Powell trip that is coming to soon? I say that because this is the very time I should be excited and ecstatic to go, but the thought of it never being the same without you comes repetitively to mind, without fail.

Could it possibly be... when I read a funny card in the store and think of the hundreds of cards you sent out (Randy does deserve some of the credit for those cards, too!) and usually they were funny ones, always appropriate... and seemed to arrive in a "timely" fashion?

Yes, I miss that...

Is it how each time I see a "swinging" pony tail... I think of you?

Or because I feel bad that you won't be able to enjoy those "new knees" of Randy... in person? :)

Maybe it's when I'm having a crummy day and it goes from bad to worse and I begin to get extremely critical. In spite of whatever was going on in your life, you were such a good example of one that just carried on... got through it... and probably had a joke about it, too.

It's probably those days that I seem to run out of energy early. You never seemed to.

How did you do it? I asked you one time if you ever felt like just staying home for a day or two and not answer the phone or door? You thought about it for a second and simply answered.... "no".

Could it be that you don't stop by anymore... there's no more borrowing of a DVD or invitations to lunch, dinner, movie or to the temple. It has been to long.

I know what it is... all the above and... I simply just miss you. It has been, oh so long...

I love you Janin. Thank you for sharing a part of your life with me and for being my friend...